Look, I get it. Key West is a bar, nightlife, and party mecca. I don’t expect the most luxurious of offerings or lodgings from the southernmost land of never ending frat party energy. I’ve been here before, let’s not pretend it’s something it’s not. But geez- this place was truly unacceptable. And it turned into a disaster. I’ve been sitting on this review for a few days, trying to wrap my head around our experience, but everyone I’ve talked to (my dermatologist included) assures me that I’m not, in fact, insane and to let VRBO know what went down. There was dust and mildew everywhere. Hair in our beds, and blood on our bedspreads. Not a crime scene, but human fluids nonetheless. Perhaps from a drunken stumble or rough rendezvous. Vomit on the bed skirt aged like hard cheese. I’m kicking myself for not bringing my UV flashlight, but part of me is glad I didn’t. After noting that the condo was filthy upon arrival, the next morning we were awoken by frantic knocking on the door, and someone keyed in the code and tried to open the door. Thank goodness it was latched from the inside. Apparently this was someone with the company or homeowner who received my message and wanted to try to make things right. After some clean up and repairs, a $100 bill was pressed into my palm, and he skadaddled away fast. Okay. Thanks, I guess? On the second night, the itching began. Welts on my body. Yes, reader. Bed bugs. Find somewhere else to stay. I didn’t want to believe it, but my doctor did.